it hasn't ended

>>>IT HASN'T ENDED


we can finally relax, since i dont think we need to study much for the ecm test on tues.


for the next 2 weeks, we're left with only 4 deadlines: ecm online discussion, the presentation, ecm report part1; 38 surveys to complete, and the spss template to fill in.


and its all to be done during our holiday. what good is the holiday, other than my tentative one-night-resort trip, and the long-anticipated zoo visit with the class?


im not looking forward for the new term- we'll be piled with an even more insane number of deadlines, all in 5 weeks.


forgoing sleep because you're chatting, or out, or slacking, or watching tv is not a big deal. forgoing sleep just because you're not sleepy is also nothing. forgoing sleep because you're working your project, again, is crazy, especially when you havent had enough rest from your previous deadline yet. i'm very very shagged.


ive lost count of how many friends are falling sick, including myself.


can i blame the bad weather too?


though now that some of the projects have been submited (far from its best), several things are still on my mind. the irony is, i do not know exactly what all of them are. there were, and are, just so many we had to do, i couldnt keep track.


i havent been able to think straight; i am confused.


to the couple of friends who went through my extremely-bad-mood-swings this month (pms can really do harm), bearing with all my shit, and staying up with me through the late nights: i'm sorry for the off mood, and i really appreciated the patience.


i believe, several of us are stressed.


dear, thinking too much about one thing often lead to another, and another, and another.. until everything becomes a blur. this is often the reason why we feel offish and lost so often these days. you need a good rest; i'm sure things would be better soon. do not dread facing what you have to. i hope to see yr positivity overcoming your stress eh?


i guess our fatigue caused us to ponder too much.


give us back our optimism.

a shout out to my sweet classmates!

>>>A SHOUT OUT TO MY SWEET CLASSMATES!


on the verge of going into a trance from writing my 1500 words take-home-feature writing-CA, i flipped through Amy Tan's The Opposite of Fate(one of my birthday presents given by my class) and there, to my surprise, i discovered twelve bithday notes slipped into random pages!


i dont care- i find this awwwwwwwwfully sweeeeeeeet!


this morning, as i started the first chapter of the book, naz's note slipped out..and i was so surprised by that! i already thought he was sweet!


and to think i was actually oblivious about the rest of the twelve notes, til now.


i dont care- i really find this awwwwwwwwfully sweeeeeeeet!


ok, i know that its really silly that i just made this discovery today- almost 2 weeks after the present is given.. but nevertheless, guys, i really appreciate it very very much! thanksssss.


and to think no one breathed a word about this to me, even after almost 2 weeks! so, what if i never pick this book up to read?


a big shout out to Farena, Nicole, Naz, Xin, Janice, Joanna, Bixia, Yen, ,Khai, Seha, Jimmy, Zhida & Alvin: i really appreciate the sweet gesture, and the presents!


i feel dumb not reading this book first despite naz's numerous hints, man!


im in such high spirits now, i know ill sleep smiling again.

voice that scares?

>>>VOICE THAT SCARES?


naz: "man, i didnt know ure a transvestite."


the tone was natural and loud enough to make almost everyone on the escalator in citylink turned and looked at me.


by the time ive recovered from my shock, i turned to see a man pointing at me, saying something in bahasa indonesia. naz was already at the bottom of the escalator so i had no one to interpret the comment for me.


damn, if only i had learnt more malay from my dad.


& if thats not bad enough, i began to be nonchalant about his constant attempts at 'announcing my original sexuality',
"yeah, i was a man what."


"eh u dont have to keep telling me."


the man in front of us turned and looked at us, probably in disbelief. man, that was fucking embarrassing.


it all started after i repeated to naz what i said to stun the lingerie salesgirl, in the exact tone. he was disgusted at how i can sound when im restless.


ok, this isnt the first time.


at dfs, i once mimicked the conversation between two trans. hwai yee & ivy were shocked and said if my built is bigger, i can seriously pass off as one of them.


nicole said the same thing to me before, too.


the girls said this can actually be a compliment, since most trans look good. the successful ones, of cos. they can look good, they mean?


fuck, am i supposed to take that as a compliment? hell, no?


all because of my voice.
but i dont care, i still like my voice to be deep. at least it beats those whiny, high-pitched tone. that's my opinion.


ah! enough said.

night cycling..at last.

>>>NIGHT CYCLING..AT LAST.


naz & i finally accomplished our night of cycling. for weeks, we've been planning & anticipating, only to have to postpone the planS at the last min.


yesterday, despite the last min pull-outs, we were undetered. we still went ahead with the night plans. i'm glad it happened.


Exploring ridley park (off tanglin) after cosy bay, then cycling in the middle of the roads to esplanade and finally to east coast park, was not as tough a feat as it may sound.
somehow we were initially pretty disappointed when we reached PS- the ride seemed pretty near from katong.


naz perpetually thinks that the bicycle he was riding was a big sports bike. motorbike, that is. if making the sound of a start-off engine wasnt bad enough, he wanted to challenge the riders of class 2 & 2A bikes. apparently, he thinks that class 2B bikes are too slow. disgusting. not knowing where he stands, obviously.


sham & jit took the bikes to one fullerton. their enthusiasm were displayed when they shouted greetings from across esplanade. and as we thought they were coming back, they went to the stadium and later came back with much enthusiasm- so contrasting to us who were anticipating for this night for weeks!


we reached east coast park in hope of catching the sunrise. we sat thru the 0500 hour, with no sign of the rising sun. yes the sky started to turn reddish but even, at 6am, it looked the same as an hour before.


all so familiar. this was the same scenario as 8 months ago, after my class chalet. we waited & waited; and the next thing we know, the sky was bright, with no sign of sunrise.


this time i gave in to cold from the morning breeze and my call to sleep and cycled home before the sky turned bright.


naz msged: "i'm looking at a seriously superb sunrise. a proper one with orange sun. not just bright sky. and where? at woodlands"


i swear ill never want to wait for sunrise again.


a total of 7 hours on/with our bikes, most of which were spent chilling.


although night-cycling was far less exciting as we have expected, nevertheless, thanks dear for making last night such a memorable one. it was indeed an experience. i bet my night-cycling-virgin-trip wouldnt be this great without u.


what's next?

bad start; nice ending.

>>>BAD START; NICE ENDING


it is exasperating to open the file of your major project and find that the formatting is screwed big time. worse,the discovery is made 20mins before your deadline. and uve rushed over it for the past weekS, skipped sleep to work on it for at least 3 whole nights.


we went to school and realised that we need to hand in slides for our presentation by today too. within an hour, we made a crap copy of not more than 10 slides for a 15min presentation.
we had to re-do our formatting & re-type some missing questions all over again.


and janice was sick(literally). so the 3 of us rushed like nobody's business, and we couldnt blame technology for screwing the formatting,and not sending the email across successfully.


as a result,we had 10marks deducted off part 1 of our project, even before we handed in our crap project, for being 5 hours overdue.


murphy's law. sigh.


the rest of the several hours in school went on in a trance. im not sure if 3 of us were just tired,or feeling offish about the whole twist of the event.


and so,we cant afford to screw up tomorrow's presentation..and the report that is due in over a month's time.


~


im glad i met joanne for yoga this evening.
so, yoga is really damn relaxing.
but we've decided it would be our first & last yoga lesson. it was too slow moving..too slow.


i would blame it on my short attention span. but thank God i wasnt the only one doing that most outrageous thing in a fitness class- to fall asleep.


i love joanne for falling aslp, too, during yoga class.


i better make the situation clear: the teacher's hypnotising was effective.
"reeeelaxxxxx youuur miiinndd...in-hill...ex-hill." (in slow motion)


this was chanted as we lie flat on the mat, with lights dimmed and soothing music at the background.


who can blame us?


we both woke up to find the teacher demonstrating the last position to the rest of the class. gawd, it must have been like a 15min sleep.


joanne claimed she pulled my hair to see if im asleep. no movement.
this is embarrasing. it was our first yoga class. i feel sorry for the teacher who could see the both of us lying flat, motionless, amidst the rest of the sitting ladies.


we spent a good 10mins or so laughing in the changing room, and laughed all the way down the escalator of cineleisure.


after a fruitless yoga-sleeping class, we indulged in subway. finally. we've been planning to eat there for too long.


there is no such thing as healthy living with joanne. yes,we go for weekly gym sessions and fitness classes BUT we indulge heavily in ice creams, chocolates & supper too. argh.


it was hilarious when we saw this cute guy's coke spilling over his sandwich as he packed his cup into his plastic bag at the counter. he looked helplessly at the nonchalent counter waiter for help.
the same waiter who served subway-virgin us in a pissed tone, looked at how the guy lifted his dripping sandwich.. & continued mopping the floor. great service.


not that the usually-very-kind us dont wanna help that poor guy; we were just too busy laughing, we cldnt even hold our sandwiches in place.
we laughed at that helpless look, and at his rebonded shoulder-length hair.
we laughed, again, about the yoga lesson.. and about the guy who sang silently on Spore Idol last night.



i laughed at joanne when she made an extremely horrifying statement:
"i was trying to see if the teacher's hands were as long as her legs! how can she hold her ankle up,without bending her kness?!"


"erm. cos her legs were like almost upright facing the ceiling?"


scary. how the hell would anyone suspect that someone's hands & legs are of equal length!


then again, it came from joanne.
dear, u may want to enlighten me?


this is the right way to end my day.

my 19th

>>>MY 19th.


huiliang made a postive impact on me yesterday- i didnt skip my first lecture although i woke up half an hour late.


realising that ive overslept, the usual me would shut my eyes again & decide to skip the first lesson. but i remembered i was supposed to meet huIliang before my first lecture so that the lazy him won't have to hold my present til 5pm.


and so,i had to get mummy dearest to drive me all the way to school..just to get my present from him.
im not complaining; i can't..cos ok, i have to admit..yes, huiliang is sweet, and the plant is soooo cute.
my goodness; i cldnt and still cant help showing it off.



i love the surprise my classmates gave me. i like hearing a birthday song being sung to me as i walk down the stairs, unsuspectingly, with my classmates gathered around a mango cake.


sweeeet.


so they hinted that my present will changed my life. books,they are.
(i will read them ok.) i appreciate that e books were those that they know ill read; the only kind. and the flowers too. :)


as i got into zac's car, he said it was obvious i had a good day. thanks guys!


it was a good night with zac & andrew at crowded Holland V as i crossed over to my 19th 7 August.
honey, thanks for making the night out a good one. i looove the GODIVAs!


the wishes that came in were sweet, and i appreciate the fact that many of those whom i was close to before, and even a good number of my aquaintances, remembered my 19th.


i reached home to find a bouquet of dozen black roses from desmond(who was still in taiwan then) on my desk. i love black roses. thanks for the effort dear!



it might not be a very eventful day..after all, birthdays are, to me, just another day..but i slept smiling.


~


as i met the girls this evening, i felt as if we have just met each other not too long ago. the feeling of familarity is nice. very nice.
it was good to see jiafang after so long (ive seen michelle, diying & JOANNE recently); a changed one at that: sleeveless & skirt!


jiafang proudly tell us about her auntie-ism as she has to shop at NTUC frequently now that she's staying at the hostel. and gasp, she was looking at a robot-mop while michelle & i were looking at bags!


and her auntie-ism of adjusting her skirt ever so often broke the handle of my paper bag. i don't know how exactly did that happen but never mind, i forgive her.


so we discussed about meeting at JP one day (ignorant diying was clueless about jurong point), and at Holland V's NYDC just for their mango tango cheesecake & mudpies; a brand new topic for a hougang-east coast group.


as we sat at NYDC at Wheelock,we laughed at jiafang's stupidity. (she's next in line after wen.)


when we saw an ex-school mate at NYDC, she asked her,
"hey you come here to eat ah?"


"ah? yah. what else?"


eye rolling.


nevertheless it was very fun to laugh hyterically over stupid jokes and with our over-eating syndrome acting up(once again).


the irony is that, michelle initially 'despised' the 3 girls beside us, who were laughing loudly; saying that thank God we've matured & grown out of it. minutes later, we found ourselves like them. we had to constantly remind ourselves to shuddup.


we presume that the girls are from a girls' school. however, we could only conclude they might be from one of the CHIJs. we've lost the ability to differentiate the different girls from the single sex schools. look what 2 to 3 years out of one has done to us.


less than an hour of sitting in, we heard no less than 3 birthday songs being sung. so, there're many people sharing the same birthday as me.


the girls offered to buy me a cake to sing me a birthday song too. i refused,
"i don't want people to walk past & think i'm lying about my age."




ladies, thanks for the giftS. i really like them(of cos, since they're bought for me cos u guys knew i was eyeing them).


happy birthday to eunice (sock's sis), uncle james (desmond's dad), uncle poh (mum's colleague), ms chia (my chem teacher), bro's ex crush.. and everyone who shares the same birthday as me.


albeit i feel that birthdays are just another day, i love eeeevvveryyyy bit of this year's.
i'm gonna sleep smiling tonight, again.


i'm anticipating for my 3rd birthday celebration on monday.

having time to self is beneficial.

>>>HAVING TIME TO SELF IS BENEFICIAL.


like i have mentioned before, i love long bus rides.
today i finally had some more time to myself; i felt a need to think.


over the past month, many things have happened. my perceptions & feelings for a number of things have changed..to the good and the bad.


not only am i faced with tests, projects, presentations and more tests, im also faced with a dilemma that until now, i have no idea how i should resolve.


its true that anticipation never fails to overpower the real thing. sometimes anticipating for too long spoils even the aniticipation. too long, i say. it had been the case.


lacking security and assurance is already bad enough. little communication, which i used to think was a sign of freedom and independence, is just a fine line to lack of attention.


to make things worse, its the 3rd today.

is english really impt in dmc?

>>>IS ENGLISH REALLY IMPT IN DMC?


today im suddenly faced with an explosive number of weird & irritating words..everywhere.


worz. stead. lolx. sianzation. keke. hehez.


my dear xin strongly recommends me the number one Blog With The Worst Content Ever. my gawd. it totally fits the title. im dead serious. as i hear the background music, scan through the blog entriES & view the pictures, i tried to keep my face clear of all evidences of disgust..but, my goosebumps betrayed me.


i checked out y**mie's blog. fortunately, the top student of my cohort isnt quite like her friend. i mean,their dressing & hair colours are bad enough, i cant imagine another point for us to roll our eyes at.
anyway im beginning to doubt their friendship; how the hell can y**mie stand that kind of english?
and i thought that hafiz's surprisely was shocking (but ok la,ill give him the benefit of doubt that it was a slip of his tongue).


i dont expect anyone from DMC to talk this way. at least not in their blog.
this is scary. naz is so freaked out that he even suggested we stop blogging; since our course mates are actually talking like this, people might just think twice about us.


i thought that this recommended blog is bad enough. i log onto msn & within minutes,im faced with all the same kind of words: hiz!
i dont know whats wrong with these people today,or is it i have been oblivious all these while? but with the i-cant-help-but-laugh-at-such-english influence from xin & naz, i doubt it.


pls do not start to think we stereotype. not quite. its simply a course hazard, i think. i mean, we wont laugh at broken english or bad spelling, but not when its done on delibrate. please.


oh,not forgetting the loudspeaker who walked behind mum & i yesterday.


a board that states the development of a particular plot: "...of 2 blocks of 5 storeys apartment blocks with provision for a swimming pool."
the guy was obviously amazed that the new condo is gonna have a provision shop & swimming pool.
mummy & i faced each other in disgust. we couldn't help but laughed. i don't know if he shd be thankful that his friend corrected him,in a volume as loud as his.


nevertheless, i totally agree with xin's closing para: "despite everything, i still am giving her the benefit of doubt and believe that she is a nice person. we should never judge anyone by their grammar and spelling. serious."


i wont deny that ive friends whose english irritate me sometimes but yet,i love them to bitssss.


since my english is of sub-standard too(but at least,i don't attempt to make it any worse), i shdnt laugh so hard at people.