IT'S BURNING FOR ME TO SAY THIS; IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING.
The "Island of Fun" was hot, we couldnt get proper food and drinks, and the crowd was depleting by 1pm. Thank God the sea lured us in to burn ourselves while floating, talking and playing some ball games. Proper ball games.
The talking we did in the sea (in particular xin, naz & I) was nice.
The topic: relationships, again.
We talked about relationships at different phases of life. We vividly remember how when we were younger, the guys would ask girls, "Would you be my girlfriend?" (Or worse, "stead".)
At the phase we are at now, most relationships begin naturally. It is, somehow, the next step after discovering the mutual liking. We seldom hear that defining question anymore. Thus, the existance of relationships with "Don't exactly know when it started" & "Yeah, he is my boyfriend. Well, sort of."
Most people still regard such relationships abrupt and improper. After been through it and then hated it, im once again convinced by it. I know that I'm at that phase where I'll experience this (again and again, perhaps).
"Flings" have a negative connotation. To those who are worried about your other party "with flings history", I suggest you step into the relationship without throwing in too much first. This is my way of protection. As xin said, who knows what can change ultimately? Perhaps the girl/guy might get serious.
I've been there.
My two treasured relationships started with hesitation after hearing their "bad history", but no, I did not get hurt by them ultimately. I have never regretted the relationships. The fact is, the only regret I have for the shorter relationship is, how short it was due to a certain rashness.
Xin had to say, "Like that, you'll never stop thinking about him."
I know, i know. I know it too well.
Its ironic that how after many months, I still think about him.
Like what Desmond once told me, "I think about Jasmine but not in that sense anymore."
Same case.
The three of us discussed the reason.
The break-up was rash, now i admit. The talk made me said that if i had thought positively about the relationship and if I had been more patient and reasonable to ask him what he had been doing for the last two days that we had not contact, all this before I sent that message to him, things might not turn out this way so quickly.
The chalet I went to a couple of days later, with a flat battery, gave me much time to think. But it was already after the break-up.
This is one thing I can never let go of totally. Naz has convinced me that the break-up was an improper closure, on my part. That is the most apt answer.
Now i believe that time away is ideal for one to think hard. Think about the possibilities, think about the consequences. And then, have a good talk to the other party to be able to evaluate proper about what you have been thinking about.
Extracted from one of xin's recent entries: I despise myself for letting you do this to me, for allowing this nothingness the tenacity to crawl under my skin and steal my heart away. I could be so happy without you, so much happier without you; if I didn't always wonder if I would be the happiest with you.
My comment?
"..i like the first sentence especially. the second sentence sounds sad that i dont wanna think if it applies to me."
Reading it now, I know it doesn't quite apply to me because I know who gave and will continue to give me the happiest moments. Change "happiest" to "happy", then it will fit.
From long ago, I knew the main reason my thoughts wander to him is because I think about the relationship and in particular, the break-up; it leads to him.
I finally have the right words and guts to write these down. Somehow, a part of me am hoping you will read and understand this.
posted by Sharon Wong @ 17:25
5 Comments
