I'M GONNA DO THE SILENT WAY

I hate to admit;
Recently whenever those treatments happen, I tend to daydream the impossible, reminsce, avoid/seek refuge, or simply switch to the self-denial mode.

Albeit my awareness of the problem manifestation. Indeed, it has; and had gone worse. The problem was long realised, but the courage to move on diminishes quickly.

Somehow, I suspect that I was just oblivious for that long while. The (wasted) efforts to implement improvements have tire me out totally. Checking the archives, I know PMS is actually not accountable.

I daydream about turning back time (one year ago would be good).
I daydream about earlier realisation of the pride issue, and the earlier change.
I can imagine more appreciation, less demeans.

I don't understand the treatment.. even after all these months.

I know what distraction is the best antidote.